Posts

An Untitled Legacy

There was a time when I was so inexplicably angry. At what had happened, at every situational factor, and I couldn’t process anything. How could something like this happen? How was I going to get through life without one of my best friends? I couldn’t answer these questions because frankly I couldn’t even say the words out loud. For years I went through life trying to forget, I saw my friends year after year seemingly deal with it and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Why was it so impossible for me to push past this event? In a lot of ways Em was the first friend I had who completely understood me. My insecurities were her insecurities and at a time when I felt as if no one was on my side, she was there. We shared our deepest secrets and our biggest fears. In the midst of one phone call all of that changed. My friend was gone forever and the future I had planned, the accomplishments and milestones we were supposed to experience collapsed around me.  After all thes
Post a Comment
Read more

A Twenty-Something's Coming of Age Saga

So, I’m done. With college I mean. In retrospect that intro was literally the most anti-climactic beginning ever. The sad part that’s sort of how it felt to finally be done, anti-climactic. However, the absolution of stress came after finishing my last ever Statistics final (let’s just say Math and I have had a heinous relationship over the years, there’s no trust there man). Then there was finance, a foreign language I was actually okay with interpreting. Let’s be honest once you get rid of conjugation and pronunciations tainted by my Wonder Bread-esque language abilities you have a manageable workload. Then there was Competitive Dynamics; an enigma from the beginning. A balancing act attempted by a person who can barely stand on one foot for more than 30 seconds. That’s a relatively small snapshot into my reality for the last six weeks. I’ve been a shell of my former self, maybe it was this summer heat. I actually feel like I’ve been melting. Once I walked out of the testing center
Post a Comment
Read more

*Blog Full of Complaints, Truths, and Curse Words* A Millennial's Guide to Being Your-Damn-Self (Part 2)

        So, I have to admit I’m about 25 minutes into being at this coffee shop and I had to mentally prepare myself to start this. Not necessarily because I was dreading it more so because I stayed out until 1 am last night and frankly I’ve been moving slowly all day. Now that the self-hype aspect of my day is out of the way let’s get into this.             After contemplating for longer than I should have to, I’ve deduced I started this blog four years ago (this fact was also confirmed after checking my archives). It started initially as my online journal, a diary that would attempt to hold me accountable and save me from the hand cramps that induced flashbacks to all the AP essays I wrote back in high school. It then transitioned into an abnormally honest way to process my emotions. What it’s become since then is hard for me to label. Cliched as it may sound this blog is a snapshot of my soul, an honest and unapologetic summary of me. A way for me to archive the growth I’ve exper
Post a Comment
Read more

When Cold Brew Gets You in the Feels

        So I’m back in Bradenton for the weekend at my old “stomping grounds,” per se…Reality (minus the fancy wordage): I’m just in the same Starbucks I used to hang out in when I went to school here. Nina Simone in the headphones got my Cold Brew to the right at a forty-five degree angle from laptop. In my head this prevents condensation from making its way to my laptop but, really I’m just low-key OCD when it comes to the way things are arranged. Productivity is all about you’re environment or, so I hear. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’ve been in a funk lately. The beautiful yet tragic effects of social media are the continuous life updates of your friends past and present. So many of them are on this path in life that I could never imagine. Hell, it’s not even what they’re doing it’s that they seem to know where they’re going. If I could just get that into that place my anxiety would dissipate exponentially.             Its funny to me that three ye
Post a Comment
Read more

Separation of the Two: Part One

          I began writing this blog almost four years ago. It wasn’t something I started consciously. It was a random idea to conceptualize the ideas I had amassed in my head. My feelings, my experiences, and opinions were all organized into an essay-like format that gave me some semblance of organization. It’s a platform I use to talk about myself and people who have proven to be important sources of motivation in my life. It will forever be my online journal; something I choose to do when I’m trying to make sense of my life. Any time I go through something complicated this is where I write it all down. I think at times I censor my thoughts and my experiences because sometimes I think it’s too much. Do I really want everyone to know these parts of me? Then again isn’t this supposed to be the place where I write for no one else? It’s the contradicting idea of self that I continuously battle with. At what point is it too much?             I guess this intro is my decision in a sense.
1 comment
Read more