A Dose of Reality; With a Side of Crazy

           As much as I complain about Ohio looking the same, I can’t say that it looks ugly. It’s actually a pretty nice place, very picturesque, sort of Stepford and perfect but pretty nonetheless. I’ve been staring at this blank page on my Mac for the last 30 minutes thinking about what I want to write. I called my Mom instead of thinking about it, I guess I’m pretty good at procrastinating in literally every part of my life. I suppose I’ll just update you on my life, because I can’t seem to think about a topic of consequence, just be prepared for me to ramble. Although if any of you actually converse with me in real life you know that I tend to do that anyways.

            I’ve been doing this internship thing in Ohio, it’s actually a lot harder than I thought. I have to say it made me question whether I was choosing the right major, if this is really what I want to do with my life. Coming back for Kim’s wedding was something I looked forward to because for once I was actually a little homesick, I missed my friends, a lot. When they picked me up at the airport I had this overwhelming feeling that I was finally home, I honestly missed all of them, because here no one gets me. They don’t know my story or, my sense of humor, it’s weird having to start from the beginning with people. I guess I haven’t had to do it in awhile so it was an adjustment. I have to say that jamming out to Frozen in the car and having George gas us into putting the windows down (buddy has some flatulence issues) was something I had taken for granted.

            It makes me super thankful for my friends man. Not just my high school friends either, seeing my best friend get married was freaking surreal. Like two weeks ago I gave a Maid of Honor speech, we always talked about it as kids but realizing it actually happened and that it’s over now is insane. My best friend moved to Arizona with her husband, that word is so foreign to me, Kimberly is a WIFE. These are words that seemed so far off but are actually reality now. I’m not sure how to handle it all anymore, everything is changing.

            I was looking over this blog last night, I started this thing in 2014. It was something I started to deal with my grief after Em’s death but it slowly turned into a way for me to figure out my feelings about life in general. There’s literally nothing I would rather do than grab my laptop, a cup of coffee, write about what goes on in my head. I’m sure you all have figured out already how insane I actually am, let me tell you my mind is not a normal place by any means. It’s scattered, full of dreams, ideas, and anxiety about the future but, it’s mine I guess, unique is probably a nice adjective to describe this place. It’s really funny that “Dead Sea” by the Lumineers just started playing on Pandora maybe it’s a prophetic way of telling me what it will be like in the future, I could never imagine that though. Nothing going on in my head. It freaks me out more than the chaos that it is now.

            I’ve come a long way man, I’ve grown up a lot, well in most ways, I definitely still make “that’s what she said,” jokes on a regular basis but in everything else I’ve made quite a bit of progress. I spend more time in the dream world than in reality, I think it’s because of how much fiction I read as a kid, it’s more fun to be in a narrative than to be present in the real world. This habit of mine causes me to rush into things, I think it’s because I think about the ending of the story before the plot has actually even started. A very bad habit ladies and gentlemen, I don’t recommend it because frankly it’s never gotten me anywhere in life except disappointed. Like I said fiction is always better than reality.

            I hate to end on that note, that my way of life doesn’t lead me anywhere so I guess I’ll let a little positivity ooze out... but just a little, I have to keep up this emo-writer façade, it’s good for business.

Life, it’s this huge journey we all have to complete but your view on it totally depends on how you look at it. I might be emotional and crazy but at least I’m okay with it, I might go through some things but I’ve figured out a way to deal with it. I’ve got a super awesome group of people who support me no matter how insane I sound (props to all of you, you might be just as insane as me). All this change in the end is good, it’s what life’s about and as long as my friends and family are around to help me get through it I know I’m going to be fine and so will you, whoever you are.