Dancing in the Rain, Sans Umbrella

          Life, it’s this enigma we all have to live. It’s this path we all have to travel, no one knows where it ends and no one can tell you where to go but we’re all told just to keep moving. It’s this ongoing struggle to make it through and sometimes we get to the end and we wonder where all the time went and did we even get to where we wanted to be. Life, it’s something I’m told I should have figured out by now but I think in the last 3 years of my life I’ve become even more confused on where I want to go and what I want to do and who I want to be with me when I do it. When you’re growing up you’re told you have all these options, there are so many possibilities but then you hit 18 and they say, “be realistic.”
            I think in the last month I’ve learned a lot more about myself more than I have ever known before. I’ve been put in situations where I have to adapt and put myself out there. My biggest fear has always been not doing things right, I feel like I have to be perfect or what’s the point but, I think that’s changed. I no longer care if I get something wrong because that’s what life is, it’s a bunch of wrong turns that eventually lead you to the right way. I no longer fear being wrong, I now fear having regrets, holding myself back from doing crazy things because the part of me that holds on to being realistic won’t let go of what society’s told me I should be.
            Losing my best friend taught me how truly fleeting life is, I think ever since that event I’ve been even more afraid of failure because how long do I truly have to accomplish everything I want? How long do I have to prove that my life is worth something, that I will accomplish things, that I am worthy of being loved? The reality is, I wont know the answer to that question until it’s too late.

            The only advice I can give myself is to stop being scared of what others think, to stop holding on to that self-doubt, to just be free. To live a life free of regrets is to live a life unburdened. When I truly live that mantra, I think I’ll find that happiness I’ve been looking for for so long. Instead of trying to stop the rain you can change the outcome by throwing out your umbrella and dancing in it. I’m trying to live this, I’m trying to let go of that voice inside my head that tells me I can’t because that’s the only thing that’s stopping me from finding who I’m supposed to be in life.
         This is the end of my rant but is it the end of my story? Never.

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