Resolution at its Finest

To my Ex-Best Friend with love,

          We met a long time ago, our friendship blossomed overnight, I should have realized then it wasn’t real. The way you attached yourself to people, it should have been a sign to me. A sign of disloyalty, a sign that bonds to you were meant to be broken, that friendships to you weren’t meant to last. What you refer to as friendship as, “besties” is nothing more then a sham. In actuality it was just a label to suit your current needs. It took many months and plenty of realizations to come to the truth of it all; the only person you ever cared about was yourself.

            Many people saw it before I did, I believed everything you said, and the signs I saw I chose to ignore because even though you treated your old friends like that we couldn’t possibly be a track on the same old record you kept playing.

 As our friendship walked itself into the grave, I went through the five stages of grief, after denial was anger. I was mad about everything, the wool that had been pulled over my eyes slowly disintegrated and I saw everything that was wrong. Our once fairy-tale friendship wasn’t destined for a happily ever after, quite the opposite in fact. I bargained with you and with myself, you chose not to fight and this sealed our fate. Truly it made me sad, because even after all you had done to me I cherished the good times that we had together, no matter what you think I will always remember those memories fondly. With this realization my journey was over, I accepted what we were, I accepted what you were but most importantly I accepted what we were not.

A long time has passed; if I’m being honest I spent a short period of time hating you. I despised your short appearance in my life, I didn’t like that you were still friends with “my” friends. Eventually I realized that time I spent hating you was hurting me more than it was hurting you, because all of that energy was wasted on negativity. It was with this realization that I began to forget, I forgot your presence in my life, I forgot about how you abandoned me when I needed you the most, I forgot about you because you weren’t important to me anymore.

Recently you reached out to me and I was wary, wary of your true intentions. I even understand why you reached out, you remembered the old times fondly, I could tell in your voice. I could also hear in your voice a lack of sincerity. You saw me, you saw me happier than I was when you were around, and in that moment you realized that you were no longer a part of my life. I think that bothered you, you went through the motions of apologizing but actions speak louder than words.

 I was right in my suspicions, you haven’t changed. It’s not even something that I’m mad about, I’m not mad at you. If anything the only emotion I have in regards to your existence is pity. I pity you, I wonder what makes you so unhappy in life that you have to shit on other people’s happiness, on other people’s accomplishments to make yourself feel better. I truly hope that one day you find what it is you’re looking for, I hope that one day you will grow and mature, I truly hope that you find happiness.

I am happier without you, one day I hope you will be happy without me too. I hope and I pray for you because even though you were the worst friend I ever had I send my love. Because even though I hate the person you became or, even the person you always were I want the best for you.

To my Ex-Best friend with love,

         -Leah