Quizzy Adult-in-Training

Of late I’ve stopped putting myself on a schedule for blogging, normally when the feeling hits me I just go for it, that’s what this post is about. It’s about going for it; it’s about proving a point. This has really been on my mind for a while, I just didn’t realize how much it was bothering me until recently. I’m going to set this up through a story, my story that’s what this whole blogging thing is about anyways. When I was 19 my best friend died in a car accident. Emaleigh’s death was something unexpected, it was shocking, it was a dose of reality that none of us saw coming and something that I’ve had issues dealing with for a long time. Grief is not something that can be fixed overnight; it’s not something I can just turn on and off. It’s this emotion that rears its head unexpectedly, normally at the worst possible moments. The reason for its reappearance is hard to pinpoint, I’ve begun to deduce on my own that there really is no reason for any of it. You see something that rem...

We all have that one thing in the world that scares us. I’m not talking about the little things, I’m not talking about how heights make me cringe, I’m not even talking about how public speaking makes my face turn red. The fears I’m talking about are the ones that we don’t say aloud, the ones we hold inside, the voices of doubt in our heads. These fears are truly dangerous because they are the voices within in us that tell us we can’t accomplish what we want most in the world. That my friends is truly something to be afraid of. When I was growing up I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be the next J.K. Rowling because being the nerdy kid in school, the only identity I felt I had was with my books. As I grew older I completely veered away from who I was, not necessarily because there was a problem with it but because I longed to be something other than the girl who was a bookworm. I think everyone longs to change their identity at some point but, I think what we all forget is that ev...

Dear _________,             I still remember the first time I saw you, it wasn’t even in person, it was just a photo. I remember clearly because you caught my eye, my friend told me you guys were close, translation “it’ll never happen without ending our friendship.” For me that was the beginning of an ongoing test to stay away from you.             I knew my friendship with her was more important to me than my attraction to you so I distracted myself. I distracted myself by making you guys happy together. I became your friend; I wanted the best for you and for her. I created a bigger problem for myself because as I got to know you I realized the attraction I had wasn’t just physical, I became attracted to your sense of humor, and ironically enough to the way your cared for my best friend.             She broke your he...

I got the notification about a week ago for a memory from my first blog post, it’s kind of funny how stuff like that happens. I guess by stuff I mean time, you don’t really realize how fast time passes until you’re reminded. Sometimes it’s in some incessant notification from Facebook that you get every day or, by the possessions you’ve acquired, maybe it’s even a change in the company you keep. Time is always progressing it’s always changing and you have to adapt to these things because if you can’t you get stuck. I feel like when I finally started this blog I stopped being stuck, it takes a lot of retrospective thinking to make actual progress. This is the platform I chose for dislodging myself from the rut I had created. It’s a really powerful thing to get yourself out of a rut. I chose to be alone with my grief because letting others in felt like I was relying too much on someone other than myself. I know what it feels like to not be able to control your friends emotions, to list...

It’s almost funny to me how friendships happen. When you first meet someone it seems to be a trivial event, an occurrence of everyday. It is only down the line that you realize how monumental those minutes of conversation were in the long run. Honestly I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment all of us became a family or, even the exact moment I met each of them. What I can say for certain though is we are closer than any friendship I’ve ever encountered. I’ve never met a group of people so different from each other but so accepting of the unique personalities and beliefs we each hold. While I can’t remember the moments of introduction to each of my friends I do remember vividly the memories in which I realized that we were connected. When I say connected I mean we all shared one thing in common, Emaleigh. A couple of weeks ago I was discussing with Maria the what-ifs of our situation. What would have happened if Emaleigh hadn’t died, would we still be as close? Would we have slowly r...