Remember the Days When _____ Were Cool?

These days society, the world we live in is materialistic. The funny thing is now it's become a fashion to be unique and different, I'm still discovering if this is a good thing or a bad thing. The hipster fad has obviously made a splash, more like a tsunami. You know that movie with Ewan McGregor? The one where he can't find his family because this enormous typhoon causes everyone to evacuate and he can only choose one child? Hipster has caused all the normal people to evacuate, there are no longer any of them left. 

Exaggerations aside everything about life these days is looking good, however you want to describe it I think people lose sight of what's really important. I can't say I'm nothing like those people because I am one of those people. I have a love for eye-liner that can't be matched and I quite enjoy smelling nice (I like to think Marc Jacob's "Honey" is my signature scent), and I even joined the fashionable ranks recently by purchasing a pair of high-waisted blue pants with printed white daisies all over them. I care about what I look like. It probably stems from my formative years.

Growing up I was a total nerd and I looked like it, anyone who knew me from 5th-8th grade can attest to this fact. My favorite outfit that I owned was my favorite black t-shirt with my lavender cloth shorts (with a sparkly butterfly appliqué on the hem) and matching black and lavender Etnies also to accessorize I wore a blue heart necklace as a choker, I really shouldn't get into my glasses and braces. I was one of like three people who had to get corrective dental work in Elementary school. 

Ninety percent of the time if you saw me I was wearing some variation of this outfit with a book in my hand. I read everywhere, in the bathtub, at the lunch table, any time I finished my work quickly enough to have extra time, I even attempted to read while walking (to be honest I wasn't all that unsuccessful with this feat, albeit a little slower in the whole words per minute department). I loved to read, in fact in the 4th grade I got to pie the Principle in the face for reading the most books in my grade that year. I had a system for getting to 25 books within the first week of school, every summer I read the Harry Potter series in it's entirety during the summer. I would frequent the library once every two weeks picking up 30 books or so every time (I'm pretty sure my mom has paid for a couple bookshelves at the library after tons of lost items and late fees). I would read tons of different series the "Magic Treehouse", "Trixie Belden Mysteries" this one historical fiction series about princesses from other countries, and the "Little House on the Prairie" series. 

I remember during the summer one year I thought it would be cool to become Laura Ingalls, I wore a long skirt and tucked in my shirt then I would tie this pink apron that had a big black and white Dalmatian on the front, braid my hair and sit on the hill in my back yard (If there was anywhere in Florida that reminded me of a prairie it's the slope of my backyard). I would lie out there in the dry grass, spread eagle and feel the hot sun on my skin. I would imagine myself as Laura whose responsibilities I had read were to feed the chickens and collect potatoes. Writing about this now sort of makes me miss those days, the days of no responsibility but it also makes me realize how easy it is to entertain a kid. I'm also trying to remember what attracted me to potato-collecting...I was such a nerd, but in all seriousness, why potatoes? 

Also fifth grade, that was the year I decided boy hair would be a good idea...In case this sentence didn't alarm you, it should because it was literally the worst hair style I could have ever dreamed up, even worse then when I tried to be mod in the 10th grade and get blunt bangs. There is literally no comparison to the horror.

What you can collect from these paragraphs is the nerdiness was running rampant in those years and even though intellectually I progressed quite well I wasn't exactly the most comfortable in my own skin. To be quite honest I wasn't really bullied, at least not to my knowledge a little teasing here and there yeah but nothing that really sticks out. Even thought I wasn't necessarily verbally attacked I still felt different. 

I was a pretty stocky kid, I still am but I definitely wasn't similar to any of the other girls around me. My legs albeit short were pretty muscular (the result of about 5 years of soccer at this point) short and chunky arms and lets don't even get started on my baby hands. Even with my short limbs my torso was pretty long so even though I wasn't a giant I felt like the tallest person there. I felt awkward in my own skin and this is where the books came in. I felt like the only thing that made me stand out as a kid was my ability to read a lot. People even started calling me bookworm, my books were my identity. 

Eventually I grew up, once I hit middle school I did everything in my power to transform, to leave my old identity behind to become someone not just known for reading books or, being a nerd. I wanted people to see me, I wanted to feel like I was beautiful. This became really important to me, I wanted to completely erase everything I used to be and I like to think that I have.

I no longer have braces, my hair is dyed, I wear contacts a lot (although recently I've started wearing my glasses a bit more), I can do my makeup pretty well, I even dress in a way that would be described as fashionable or, at least most of the time (I do have a small obsession with yoga pants), and my shoes are cute, even if sometimes they are uncomfortable. I am a totally different person then the nerd some people still remember, I am no longer "bookworm."

One thing I need to remember is it's not just what's on the outside that's important it's the things that I accomplish, my morals, my personality, this is what will matter. Not how well my lipstick contrasts with the colors in my outfit or how vintage my denim jacket is, even if these provide fabulous icebreaker topics.

Even though I look completely different now there are times when I still feel like that little kid, the nerd who didn't feel beautiful. I'm not always comfortable in my own skin I doubt I ever will be one hundred percent. The one thing I'm confident in is who I am. I'm confident in what I believe in. I'm confident in the people I love. I'm confident in the love I have for my family. I'm confident that God has a plan for me, no matter how much I go through or, how bad I feel. I'm confident everything is going to be okay. I'm confident that even though I left behind the appearance of that nerdy bookworm, that imaginative little girl is still  somewhere inside me.

The lesson for today people is no matter how much you change or, how much the world is telling you to change don't forget where you come from. Don't forget the important stuff and most of all don't forget your journey from beginning to end. There is no other way to rectify your mistakes, there is no other way to learn, and most importantly there is no other way to grow as a person.

If you have a comment for me feel free to communicate down below.

                    Love you all!

                           -Leah Q.